Dear Nancy Letter 2022

December 16, 2022

 Dear Nancy,

The truth is, I try to love you, Nancy. I try to keep it together every time we’re around each other. To be patient and unaffected by your words, yet it still tears me down how often I have to explain myself to you. Everyday we’re having horrible arguments that ruin me, where I end up pouring my heart and thoughts only for the situation to remain the same. You’ve always heard me, but you’ve never truly listened to my needs and situation. I start sounding like a broken record talking about my reasons for not being open with you. I could never come to you for advice on a sentimental opinion without it escalating into a fight because whatever I say with emotion is considered dramatic, fake, insignificant, and mental—immediately invalidating my feelings. This has happened for years and years and it’s why I’ve been hiding and digging deeper into myself. It’s why I've become an insecure person, continuously doubting myself if it weren't for your words, your implied thoughts. You need me to be someone else, to change things I cannot control: my indecisiveness, impulsiveness, personality, and opinions, just to be accepted by you, as if I were not enough, but Nancy I am not a perfect person and I've made many mistakes my whole life. I am justified for simply being human and having opinions you don't agree with. This letter obviously doesn't sound new; it’s what I've been trying to say to you everytime we disagree.

This relationship has felt obligatory and demanding from the start, and that's because we simply don’t respect one another. I don't blame you for being busy and stressed; I can understand the irritation that comes from work, but it's when you project those hurtful emotions on me as if I were a horrible and ungrateful partner for not caring to your every need that I’ve felt unjustified. Deep down, I can understand your reasoning for reacting the way you do, considering your upbringing and the unlucky circumstances that have been laid upon you. I know that at times I'm at fault, but you have to recognize that sometimes I have valid reasons to feel upset and wronged by you—the unnecessary overreaction and destruction of my favorite possessions and interests, etc. 

I find myself in an endless chase for your validation, someone who will never be satisfied with who I am. We simply can’t be around each other, and we’ve acted the most loving when there was distance between us. So I am distancing myself from you, Nancy; I can't keep dealing with the toxicity of our relationship that takes so much energy out of me. I don't necessarily dislike you as a person. Maybe we were too much alike in personality to pair together, and I wish you well on your journey to find the embodiment of your needs.